Don't Leave Your Corporate Job

Don't leave your artificially concocted identity. Don't step out of the comfort of believing that someone else knows EXACTLY who you should be and what you should be doing. Don't defy the heartless, soul less perpetrators of the myth of your existence and limited usefulness as a cog in a money-making juggernaut.

If you leave, you'll be left standing alone wondering who you are and where you are supposed to go. You'll be left with fragmented memories of who you thought you were as a child and a teenager. You'll suddenly realize, to your terror, that your identity has not been authored by you, but by the HR department, your boss, his boss and the CEO.

And I don't even watch TV. I can't imagine people that step away from their television sets for a day. They must have withdrawal symptoms from not knowing exactly how they are supposed to act, what they are supposed to say in a theatrical mockery of life. When I see people interacting in social settings, I notice everyone plays a part, assumes a role, and we all pretend to be someone we are not. We are full of narratives in our head about who we are supposed to be, who we desire to be, but in fact ARE NOT anything like we imagine.

How would a bee feel if he ran away from his hive, in defiance. Where does he go now? What does he do? What is his purpose? Does he even have one outside of the hive?

I am reminded of 'Red' from the Shawshank Redemption after he was released from prison on parole. First he couldn't believe it.
Second he was happy.
Third - he didn't know what to do with himself. He was bored. He was lonely. He needed permission to go to the bathroom. He needed someone to tell him why he was there at all.

I've gone through exactly the same three steps above. Some mornings I wake up in disbelief that I'm no longer in the monstrous hell that was my job. No more public humiliations. No more 80 hour weeks. No more starving till 9:00p.m in the office alone, occasionally rejoicing if I found a granola bar. No more dark empty offices with just my area lit up - night after night after night after night after night after night after night....

No more meetings with zero time to prepare. No more workplace bully who made my life a living nightmare. No more verbal abuse from the supervisor. No more unreachable deadline piled above another unreachable deadline. No more lying managers. No more.

I am relieved. I am happy. I am feeling free.

But I am feeling lost. So terribly lost.